Pause

I had my last (very stubborn) wisdom tooth out yesterday. Yes, know I 'should' have had them out when I was 18 or so, but that's just not what happened for me. And, as the Chinese proverb goes "The best day to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best day is today." Soon enough, this will be 20 years ago! This whole event, however, gave me what I am calling a pause. I had to be under general anesthesia, you see, and although I have successfully managed general anesthesia several times before in my life, there was still that little worry in the back of my mind that somehow I wouldn't wake up. I know it's unlikely, but still I had to sign about 8 pieces of paper acknowledging that 'in severe cases, death' could happen. Thankfully, I only had about 10 days to worry about all of these things and, being me, I got some things in order. I made sure there was food in the house for Shaun to cook and a double batch of pancakes made so that the girls could fend for themselves for breakfast and make their own lunches for a couple of days. I also got the laundry done, the kitchen cleaned and the floors swept. I re-did the chalkboard in our entryway. You know, the important things (he he.) But then, as I was saying good night to the girls on Sunday evening, I just lingered a little longer than normal and told them all of the reasons I love them. I know, I know, it's crazy, right? It's just a 20 minute procedure and then life. Well, I've always been one to be prepared, so, why not this time too, I guess. It made me feel better anyway. So, finally I'm hunkered down in the chair and given the drugs. Man, that stuff works like a charm. I swear I was out before the last syringe hit the trash. Then, I woke up and was wheeled down to Shaun's waiting car and away we went. Yesterday is kind of a blur, in and out of sleep, ice packs, murmuring girls, mushy food and lots of pills. Heavy duty pain killers make me dizzy, nauseous and generally icky, thank heavens there is no chance of addiction for me. But yesterday, as I lay on the couch, fairly unable to move, I took a pause. It's like life was so focused on the surgery that once it happened, there is a little blank space afterward. Similar to rebooting a computer, it takes a moment for it to come back on. And even today, as I rest at home with absolutely no agenda except self care and healing, life is slowly regaining it's former speed. Tomorrow, I'm sure I'll hear the screeching as I get back to full speed. A bunch of jumbled sounds, waiting like a damned up river to flow again. But for now, I sit on the couch, watch some documentaries without too much mental attention required and drift in and out of sleep.